Great loves
From an episode of Sex & the City I watched the other night:
[Charlotte has just told the girls about a magazine article she read which said that a woman only gets two "great loves" in her lifetime]
Charlotte: So far I've only had one great love - Trey.
[to Miranda]
Charlotte: How many great loves have you had?
Miranda: Zero.
Carrie: Really? What about Steve?
Miranda: Steve's a friend, not a core-shaker.
Samantha: Well, I'm done with great love. I'm back to great lovers.
Miranda: [to Carrie] You?
Carrie: I refuse to define love in those limited terms
Miranda: [laughing] I had to!
Charlotte: Oh, come on Carrie! Aidan and Big!
[Charlotte pauses as she realizes what she just said. Carrie looks up at her]
Carrie: One, two. And according to you, I'm done!
Charlotte: No, no, it was a stupid article. It was at the dentist!
Carrie: No, no, no, no, too late now. You said it, it's over for me. "Here lies Carrie. She had two loves and lots o' shoes"
I think this is an "interesting" conversation. "Great love" is very difficult to define, to a certain extend, but if I look at my past experience I think I know who would fall in that category and, like Carrie, I've had my two great loves. Clearly the magazine article was targeted at women, hence the assertion that "a woman only gets two "great loves" in her lifetime" but I will assume that the same applies to men.
I also think that this is all complete bullsh*t because (a) every person is different and coming up with averages like that is just utter nonsense and (b) I cannot have just two great loves in my lifetime! I mean, I am glad I have had the opportunity to experience such emotions and I still love my two "great loves" (but in a different way now) but still, I hope that my next great love is just around the corner (how soppy does that sound?!).
(You will notice that at this point I've made a "seamless" transition from "great love" to "falling in love". This is part of the definition of "great love" I mentioned above. This is only part of my interpretation of what great love is. Please feel free to add yours by submitting a comment.).
Now, they do say that some people never fall in love. Is that true and if so, why? Are they incapable of it? Are they not interested in it? Have they not had the opportunity to do so? Or even if they did have the opportunity maybe they didn't recognise it as such at the time? I am in no position to scientifically answer any of those questions but this is my blog, so I am allowed to express my opinion on a couple of them, right? ;-)
Well, I'd like to think that most sane people are capable of loving and falling in love but choosing to do so (assuming the opportunity arises) is another matter. I can see why one wouldn't want to fall in love. I had a really hard time getting over my exes once things turn sour, it was a very painful time for me and not one I would like to repeat any time soon. Having said that, time is a great healer and several years on, I mostly remember the joyous times we had together and I miss the closeness and intimacy of such a strong relationship. But I am sure that even if Mr Right did show up shortly after the end of a relationship the chances are that I wouldn't have noticed or would be too scared to get involved in something that would cause the same amount of pain.
So, I am no Einstein but I guess that means that most people who've never been in love can blame it on luck (or lack thereof). I mean, how do you find a "great love"? I wish I knew the answer to that one :-( One thing I know is that the older/more experienced I get the less receptive I become to opportunities to meet someone for who fulfils my criteria of a potentially successful relationship. "Criteria", that's where the problem lies. As I grow up I learn from my experiences/relationships/dating, unfortunately, some of these lessons lead to an ever expanding list of must have/would be nice to have/shouldn't have characteristics and behaviours that Mr Right must demonstrate. Wishing I was younger/less experienced/more naive again is no solution as part of the "list" is intended for self preservation and protection. Like everything, I think it's all about finding the right balance.
[Charlotte has just told the girls about a magazine article she read which said that a woman only gets two "great loves" in her lifetime]
Charlotte: So far I've only had one great love - Trey.
[to Miranda]
Charlotte: How many great loves have you had?
Miranda: Zero.
Carrie: Really? What about Steve?
Miranda: Steve's a friend, not a core-shaker.
Samantha: Well, I'm done with great love. I'm back to great lovers.
Miranda: [to Carrie] You?
Carrie: I refuse to define love in those limited terms
Miranda: [laughing] I had to!
Charlotte: Oh, come on Carrie! Aidan and Big!
[Charlotte pauses as she realizes what she just said. Carrie looks up at her]
Carrie: One, two. And according to you, I'm done!
Charlotte: No, no, it was a stupid article. It was at the dentist!
Carrie: No, no, no, no, too late now. You said it, it's over for me. "Here lies Carrie. She had two loves and lots o' shoes"
I think this is an "interesting" conversation. "Great love" is very difficult to define, to a certain extend, but if I look at my past experience I think I know who would fall in that category and, like Carrie, I've had my two great loves. Clearly the magazine article was targeted at women, hence the assertion that "a woman only gets two "great loves" in her lifetime" but I will assume that the same applies to men.
I also think that this is all complete bullsh*t because (a) every person is different and coming up with averages like that is just utter nonsense and (b) I cannot have just two great loves in my lifetime! I mean, I am glad I have had the opportunity to experience such emotions and I still love my two "great loves" (but in a different way now) but still, I hope that my next great love is just around the corner (how soppy does that sound?!).
(You will notice that at this point I've made a "seamless" transition from "great love" to "falling in love". This is part of the definition of "great love" I mentioned above. This is only part of my interpretation of what great love is. Please feel free to add yours by submitting a comment.).
Now, they do say that some people never fall in love. Is that true and if so, why? Are they incapable of it? Are they not interested in it? Have they not had the opportunity to do so? Or even if they did have the opportunity maybe they didn't recognise it as such at the time? I am in no position to scientifically answer any of those questions but this is my blog, so I am allowed to express my opinion on a couple of them, right? ;-)
Well, I'd like to think that most sane people are capable of loving and falling in love but choosing to do so (assuming the opportunity arises) is another matter. I can see why one wouldn't want to fall in love. I had a really hard time getting over my exes once things turn sour, it was a very painful time for me and not one I would like to repeat any time soon. Having said that, time is a great healer and several years on, I mostly remember the joyous times we had together and I miss the closeness and intimacy of such a strong relationship. But I am sure that even if Mr Right did show up shortly after the end of a relationship the chances are that I wouldn't have noticed or would be too scared to get involved in something that would cause the same amount of pain.
So, I am no Einstein but I guess that means that most people who've never been in love can blame it on luck (or lack thereof). I mean, how do you find a "great love"? I wish I knew the answer to that one :-( One thing I know is that the older/more experienced I get the less receptive I become to opportunities to meet someone for who fulfils my criteria of a potentially successful relationship. "Criteria", that's where the problem lies. As I grow up I learn from my experiences/relationships/dating, unfortunately, some of these lessons lead to an ever expanding list of must have/would be nice to have/shouldn't have characteristics and behaviours that Mr Right must demonstrate. Wishing I was younger/less experienced/more naive again is no solution as part of the "list" is intended for self preservation and protection. Like everything, I think it's all about finding the right balance.
posted by gayboydiary | 12:47 AM
6 Comments:
a lot of stuff in your post is ringing home! I'm going through a break-up at the moment, which for the first time has been instigated by me and it's really got me thinking, my criteria seems to have got stricter over the years and there's definatly stuff I wouldn't put up with anymore (if that makes sense!?) SP
Lighten up GBD.. you're starting to sound like an old maid. Be free with your heart.. take heed of this:
Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody is watching
That way you never turn your back on something that might be great.
But that said, as we grow older what we want from life/relationships mature. Go with it.
PS - Did you say you had two great loves. Shite you're definitely done then.
What a load of horseshit. You go out there and prove them wrong.
I think the "great loves" come when you least expect it. I don't necessarilly think that the "great loves" are the one that ticks all the criteria because that criteria is kinda like a fantasy boyfriend(my opinion) features. Some People do get them but I think if you're looking for your great love, don't match it with your criteria. I mean look at Charlotte from sex and the city. Compare her ex(trey) and her current husband (the bald jewish guy). They're completely different. Her husband might not have ticked all of her high standards criteria but he is her great love.
totally agree w you regarding great loves...i only have had two, my ex, and my current husband, but you're right, with each great love, it becomes different.
Some days I dont know if i am following my heart or my hard, but i have had many great, unforgettable loves. I am now over 50, broke and ill, but i still find great love in life. (currently with a 21 yo for over two years). I have found that much of what once seemed important, is now trivial. I have lost over a million dollars, three times, been sentenced to prison for 150 years primarily because I am gay, contracted hiv/aids and generally abandoned by many people I have been good to in better times. (and i wont even get into the really bad stuff that has happened to me) I find none of that matters much. I love life, I love love. I think I am getting good at it and in another 50 years hope to have it down pat, so i will keep trying, as long as I can, and bless everyday, and every friend, that comes my way. I sell underwear on the internet for fun and profit at www.badasbois.com and I am always looking for the next big adventure, lol.
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